She Won't Come Home Fixed: Lemonade!

Chloe was bound and determined
to swim in the river!

I have to admit, this post title is a little bitter sweet! The reality of sending your child or someone you love to treatment, no matter what the circumstance, is that there is a whole lot of work to be done by everybody involved. Honestly, I did expect that there would be a lot more down time at home, now that Chloe was off "getting treatment." But as my therapist so bluntly said, "Don't think that she'll just come home and be fixed. You guys have a lot of work to do!"


Boy was she right! First, as a high maintenance kid, Chloe makes sure that we're "present" as much as possible. Whether it's our twice a day phone check-ins, meeting her at the mall on a group outing, going up north for joint therapy, or partaking in an organized family activity, Chloe continues to advocate for her needs.

The ducks and geese joined our picnic.

While Chloe is home on weekends, we all are working hard to implement new family and parenting strategies that are most effective for kids on the autism spectrum and those with mental illness. They call it collaborative problem solving and while it is super effective with her, it takes about 10 times as long as the "old school" method most of us were raised with. But if you have a challenging child, checking out this method is a life-saver!

Last weekend was our third weekend with Chloe home. She has been doing great but understandably struggles transitioning back to the treatment center. If we have one more successful weekend this week, we will all earn the next weekend with two nights with her home instead of one!

We realize that the process with Chloe will be lifelong and the hardest part is yet to come, after we take her home for good and put our work into practice consistently. People on the autism spectrum have a neurological condition, which can never be "fixed." Mental illness requires constant management of emotions and circumstances and in Chloe's case, medication that helps stabilize her brain chemicals and mood.

For More Information about Collaborative Problem Solving:
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/
http://www.ccps.info/
http://thinkkids.org/learn/our-collaborative-problem-solving-approach/

Limited Mental Health Resources: Lemon!

I don't know what it's like in other parts of the country but in Southern Oregon resources to support the mental health system stink! A friend of mine recently told me a story about her neighbor that I'd like to share.

"My neighbor who lives directly across the street from us is crazy!" said my friend (I'll call her Jess because that's her name). She recounted how the other day he was outside his house screaming, "I'm going to f***ing kill you!" Apparently, he wasn't directing his assaults to anyone in particular, so Jess and her husband called the police to report the incident. The police came to the scene but because nothing actually happened, they were unable to take action (sound familiar?).

A few days later, Jess said the neighbor was out in front of his house again yelling profanities, but this time waving a gun in the air! (Keep in mind, Jess and her family live in a NICE neighborhood; we're not talking low income housing.) So, she and her husband again called the police but the story has the same ending...He didn't actually harm anyone or cause physical damage, so the police were unable to apprehend him.

Fast forward to just a few days ago, the neighbor burglarized a local Chinese restaurant with two shotguns in his possession. Fortunately, the man was apprehended and taken to jail before anyone was seriously injured. Sadly, however, there was no room in the psychiatric unit at the local hospital where he could have been evaluated and treated. Just a few hours after he was arrested, he was released without posting bail and is now back home as Jess's neighbor across the street!

You might be thinking this all sounds all too familiar to circumstances you've seen or heard on the news. Some of you might have even experienced a similar incident to my friend Jess and her family. After heinous gun crimes occur at the hands of someone mentally ill, there is always a huge uproar about gun control for days and weeks on end. I always wonder, where's the uproar in congress and in the media for amending legislation and allocating resources to address mental illness in our schools, the justice system and health care?

The system of how we manage and care for our mentally ill citizens has to change. It's so reactive. Look at Jess's neighbor. He was able to rant with a gun in front of his house without getting arrested because he didn't hurt anyone! Really? Jess's neighborhood is full of families with children and she has four young ones of her own.

I don't know what the solution is but the status quo isn't working and it seems to be getting progressively worse. An organization I frequently rely on as a resource is the National Association of Mental Illness, www.nami.org. They are making great strides in raising awareness, advocacy and affecting change with the issues surrounding mental illness. Anyone can get involved, donate or share their story. Visit NAMI or more information. Help me make lemonade, people! :-)

Share your stories in a comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

Silent Siblings: Lemon

Sophia is our other daughter, the silent sibling, who learned during her earliest years how to be the best enabler of her unpredictable and often volatile sister. She yearns to be perfect and not rock the boat, in an effort to prevent further stress for her weary parents. However, in the process, her feelings have been stifled and suppressed and she is frequently exhausted playing with her sister who seems to have boundless energy and ideas.

The work for Sophia in setting boundaries with her sister and establishing a voice in our family is also a work in progress during our journey in creating a healthier and happier home. We are so grateful and proud of our bright, beautiful, patient and accepting daughter for all the gifts she has bestowed upon our dysfunctional family throughout the years. She is definitely a great lemonade helper!

Kairos Residential Treatment: Lemonade!!

Kairos - What an amazing place for Chloe and how lucky Southern Oregon is to have such a great treatment center available for youth! It is such a great resource for families struggling and lost in our mental health system. They operate under the belief that kids are doing the best they can with the tools they have and if they're misbehaving, there is typically an underlying reason.

I'm always astounded at how many times we've been told that we must not be parenting right or that Chloe's willful and sometimes inappropriate behavior is something she can control. Kids who struggle with a mental illness or are on the Autism spectrum know that they're different and would happily change it if they could. Misbehavior is often bred out of necessity to survive, since they often lack the skills to effectively communicate and regulate emotions. And the dysfunctional parenting and household structure falls right in line in an attempt to maintain some peace and thwart continual crisis. As parents, we feel just as helpless and frustrated as our disabled child since "traditional" parenting tactics only serve to frustrate the child more and lead to an eventual shutdown or disastrous rage.

Yummy lemonade goes to Kairos for their warm and helpful welcome today and their forward thinking approach to therapy, parenting and family communication. For more information, visit www.kairosnw.org.

Much Needed Fun With Sis: Lemonade!

One month down in Corvallis for Chloe's residential treatment. She has a free overnight with mom and sister Sophia at a hotel in Eugene before she's transferred to Kairos in Grants Pass. The hard work with home visits begins this weekend on July 4th. Chloe doesn't come home "fixed." We're all learning new skills and tools to work with Chloe and her disabilities, as well as a family unit. It creates anxiety for us but we're ready to face the challenge with courage and love. We're on the road to some good lemonade!